Whatever Problems You May Have, Family Court will Make Them Worse

Trauma, Pandemic, and the Family Court

I have often compared Family Court to the prison system. Those who enter are deliberately maltreated, and all manner of human rights abuses occur with no accountability: gang rapes, gladiator fights, mayhem, and murder in prisons; and sex trafficking, child pornography, torture, battery, and murder in Family Courts. When tragic deaths happen all too often, the public assumes that there must have been extenuating circumstances or that these institutions are doing their best under difficult circumstances. They do not imagine that the opposite may be true — that prisons and Family Courts are magnets for violent, sadistic, and psychopathic criminals who relish exercising power over others. Prison guards may be seen as poorly-trained individuals who come from the same backgrounds as prisoners, but Family Court players should know better — yet, they are even more dangerous, driven by a 50- to 175-billion-dollar industry and wielding the extraordinary weapon of being called a “Court”. In these institutions, those with mental challenges grow markedly worse as a rule, while those without previous mental problems often develop new ones (in Family Court, it is a veritable formula!). At least prisons overtly express their opposing philosophy to treatment: retribution. No one informs the public of Family Courts’ hidden, antithetical agenda to justice: exploitation of unsuspecting, innocent members of society and predatory alienation of children from well-bonded, loving parents (when they accuse, “parental alienation,” it is a form of projection, “framing” of the victim, and denial of their actual intent).

The following is an essay by a grandmother victim of Family Court. I have been receiving many grandmothers’ accounts of mothers who have been decimated or killed in Family Court, as in the court of Jane Gallina-Mecca — on whom I am collecting testimonies for her impeachment. Patricia Allen wrote to me the following heart-rending story. Her eloquent, 9000-word version I do not have the space for, but hopefully she will publish it elsewhere or decide to turn it into a book. Below is the summary version. Her account comes shortly after the publication of my scientific article on, “A triple pandemic: COVID-19, violence against children, and the crisis in family courts,” which illustrated how the Covid pandemic exacerbated the Family Court crisis (yet, with predatory intentions, there are few things Family Courts would not exploit to further advantage).

Hello Dr. Lee, I have crafted an article which documents my experiences with the family court system during the pandemic. I have a disabled daughter who was denied access [to her children] with the Covid pandemic shutdown and ultimately went on to a complete mental health collapse and loss of reality.

I have found a behavioral therapist who gave me your name and suggested you would be a good contact with which to share my story….

I acknowledge my own personal emotion and bias in sharing this story. While there is no turning back of time, it is my hope that my story is one that can offer teachable moments and lessons for all. In the end, my grandchildren were alienated from two families (their mother and maternal grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins) all of whom love them very much. My prayer is that time will eventually become a friend and lead to a day of renewed relationship.

Here it is. The ongoing life of a woman, mother, and grandmother and the hills and twists that are a part of the ride known as the family court system:

Trauma, Pandemic, and the Family Court

Mary’s introduction to trauma began in a controlled way. At age fourteen we learned that she had a congenital brain abnormality requiring compression surgery. She lost a portion of bone at the base of her skull and her first cervical vertebrae. Shortly after the neurosurgery she began to experience absence seizure. In time, the seizure activity increased to grand mal with full body convulsion and requiring medication. A diagnosis of epilepsy was made.

Mary never let her diagnosis get in the way of her dreams. As a first-year college student she hoped to pursue paralegal studies. She also sought to join a sorority. Mary’s time in college would be short-lived. A hazing pledge led to the unthinkable. She was to be left at a fraternity house and stay alone for a time. A serial predator was there, and she was sexually assaulted. No one came to her aid during or after the event. The predator assaulted multiple women at multiple schools and later committed suicide as the police were closing in.

Mary married in 2004 and in 2005 delivered her first child, a son. Two daughters would follow in two-year increments. Cesarean section was required for all births to avoid pressure on her central nervous system. Mary’s first daughter was born with malignant pulmonary hypertension and sepsis. While full-term at the time, tests indicated her daughter’s lungs were not fully developed. Mary insisted that something was wrong and demanded that her baby be delivered. She faced scrutiny and arrogance. As it turned out, her daughter’s lungs were fully developed but extremely ill. The baby’s odds for survival were five percent. There was little hopeful word in the days to follow, but Mary and her daughter held strong. Her daughter will graduate high school this year. Mary saved her life.

In 2010, Mary and her husband discovered they had little in common. This ultimately led to divorce. In view of Mary’s epilepsy, her spouse was granted primary custody, but Mary retained 50% legal custody. The arrangement worked well for seven years. They worked out parental schedules for family or other events, and James would occasionally invite Mary to join them for dinner.

In 2018, James met a new partner, and things took a turn. Mary’s access to the children became restricted. She was no longer afforded input on health care or other matters, and the children’s school was changed without her knowledge. Exchanges at James’ home became drama filled. She filed a motion before the court seeking order for specific custodial exchange place and times. The motion was granted, and the referee reminded James that he would be held accountable for adhering to the order. That accountability never happened.

The children were with their father when the courts shut down for Covid in 2020. Mary would call and request to speak with her children. The stepmom would answer, indicating the children did not wish to speak with her. The court had ordered that neither parent should speak ill of the other in front of the kids, but Mary felt certain this order was not followed. Mary did not have a driver’s license but arrived for her designated exchange times using Uber. She was met by James who would express the children did not wish to go with her. Calls to the police were of little help, as they indicated this was a civil matter. Predatory alienation had begun.

The courts would eventually open using Zoom as a vehicle for communication. A guardian ad litem (GAL) was appointed. While not a party to the divorce, the stepmom had a demonstrative personality and financial resources, which appeared to grant James’ favor with the GAL. Mary went through multiple counsel and spent thousands.

One counsel indicated she had secured reunification counseling for Mary. Mary was given the names of two counselors from which to select. Mary was surprised and disappointed when she contacted each counselor, only to learn that neither were aware of any forthcoming call. One counselor expressed anger at being named in a motion for which he had no knowledge.

In July of 2022, Mary learned that James and stepmom were divorcing. She discovered that James had moved into his father’s home with the children. She contacted James, expressed sympathy for the loss of his marriage, and asked if they could meet and talk. He never responded. Following that, Mary and I prepared a pro se motion for the court. She decided to plead her desire to see her children directly with the referee. That motion would never be filed. Mary came to share that an angel named Michael was speaking to her and had reassured her that she would be reunited with her children in time. She seemed at peace.

I received a nonsensical text from Mary in August 2022. She spoke of overcoming towers and being God. Her father went to check on her, and she became aggressive. The police were called, her father was arrested, and Mary was left on her front lawn in the fetal position. Charges were later dropped, but Mary had become isolated and wished no contact with anyone.

Mary would go on to be hospitalized for a severe mental health condition and continues to struggle with that today. While there is family history of mental health challenges, her therapist shared that the multiple traumas she had experienced, particularly those specific to the family court experience during the pandemic, had likely driven Mary to the point of absence from reality.

The children lost their paternal grandmother during Covid, and I continue to be alienated from them. I was not at my grandson’s graduation. I have missed school concerts, proms, etc. I’ve been told that my appearance may create additional trauma, and reminded they are all of an age where they can make individual choices with regard to contact. I have sent gifts and cards but have no assurance that any were delivered. Memories of good times shared on vacations are events are what sustain me.

As the trauma bubble was given more oxygen and expanded by the events of this court experience, it was destined to burst. I feel professionals should ponder festering bubbles and make concentrated effort to prevent them from bursting. Heat can be lowered. In many ways, all would have been blind not to predict what might be coming in.

The pandemic took all of us by storm. I was employed by a medical school, and there were challenging times. As an educator my hope in telling this story is that the courts and others might learn from it. Our daughter remains isolated from everyone. It is uncertain whether she will ever be reunited with her children or family. Her husband’s attorney was very skilled. There was much posturing, revenue generation, and bias. CPS was never called, and her child support was paid. She was a disabled individual with limited resources who simply wanted to see her children. She deserved better.

Patricia Allen, Ph.D.